Back once again…

Yes, like a Renegade Master. Well, I think I have been back more than once before if I am to be honest. I am a repeat customer.

I am not sure just how many times I need to come full circle before it clicks in and I do something about it. I need to write. I always have plenty to say and need a creative outlet to keep the movement of ideas flowing as there is bound to be a million dollar idea in there somewhere. I enjoy writing;  I get to share my ideas / Bantha fodder, even if there is nobody standing next to me to hear what I have to say. I often find myself day dreaming about writing; a blogger on some panel being asked about my views and opinion or perhaps helping adapt my works for the big screen. Ya, I just went there. Dream big! The possibilities are endless, so why not put them out there to chase after?  I can’t keep trodding along down a path I do not care for. I think I enjoy the work that I do, however the company I work for is a complete and utter mess and it causes me anger / unhappiness / frustration… the list goes on and on. How can I keep on going, living in regret with what I do each day?

Last night a small exposé was done on St.Louis Blues’ Jayden Schwartz and his sister Mandi, who passed away from Leukemia in April 2011. I have never met, or knew about either of them, but for some reason this really made me stop to think about things. If I was diagnosed with a terminal illness, would I look back on my life and say that I loved my job? That it was fulfilling to me?

There are always many ways to look at it. I have worked with and continue to work with some amazing people. I have made friendships that will last a lifetime. I always question if that is enough? I try to look at the bright side, but everything around it is a disaster. I am paid well, which makes it difficult to walk in and throw up the middle finger as I walk out for good. Is that enough to be happy? Love the people, hate everything else except the 10% of the time when I am doing something I enjoy?

Alternatively, and this is where I am and have been for some time. I need to love what I do, all of it. Sure, there will always be moments where the rainbows and puppies will be absent, but for the most part I want what I do to not feel like a job. I want to be in a place where if someone stood in the way of me going to “work” or doing whatever it is I must do everyday, I will have no choice but to physically remove them from my way. What is the point of going to a job every day that causes you anger, grief, despair and frustration?

A secret of many who are successful, is really not a secret at all. They work at being successful; all day, every day. They never stop. Successful people don’t go to bed at 9pm because they are tired, they know what they want and they go after it every minute of the day. I also believe that for most, they love what they do and that makes things much easier to pour their heart and soul into.

I guess that asks the question, “Do I want to go to bed early to wake up refreshed to do something I don’t care about doing?” or “Do I want to make the time to write, to work towards  doing something I love, something that I need to be doing?”

I have tested the waters of creative writing both academically and have even entered a writing contest ( I have spent many years planning a number of novels, but have done very little writing. How do you finish something without first starting? I know what I need to do and todays post is a step in the write direction.

I must write.



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