Public Service Announcement – Driving in Snow

Slow the fugg down!

Winter has finally laid its frozen diarrhea like turd upon us making roads slippery and unsuitable for driving. Despite living covered by snow for 8 months a year, it seems Canadian motorists are quick to forget how to handle driving in our wintery wonderland. Four simple words are all one needs to get from point A to point B safely and soundly. “Slow the fugg down!” Would you rather take an extra 5 minutes to get to your destination, or end up in a ditch looking like some moron douche because you were going to fast like some ig’nant jackass prison escapee on the lam from the po-lice. Here’s a thought… Leave 5 minutes earlier!

Second tidbit of goodness; winter tires. Get them! Not all-seasons either, all-season tires are designed for those who live in the Southern US where they get snow every 100 years and it melts as it hits the ground. In reality, they shouldn’t be called all-season but labelled 3-season; very much like a tent would be. I tip my hat to la belle province as they require winter tires be installed on all vehicles. Now, before you get all excited and strap the racing gloves on, the above rule still applies to you. Winter tires don’t contain some magical force made to grip the road like some booze hound holds their last bottle of rye on a Sunday morning before the liquor stores have opened; they only increase your stopping ability and enhance the control of the vehicle. They aren’t designed to let you take your mothers loser cruiser out for a rally race on the 417. Winter tires are meant to help overcome wintery conditions, not completely cross them out of the equation. So “Slow the fugg down!

For those of you with 4X4 vehicles, you know the drill. “Slow the fugg down!” Now I say this with a slight twist to the message. True, having a 4X4 does give you an added advantage over 2WD vehicles but keep in mind there are still 2WD vehicles on the road and who the hell knows what the driver is thinking about or what size their brain is. I worry more about what the other driver is going to do rather then what my truck and I can do. I drive an F150 4X4 with an aggressive tire designed with snow in mind. Not a true winter tire but certainly not an all-season POS. As much fun as it is to kick up a large snow squall flying down the 417 at 120 km/h, there is no trusting what other drivers will attempt, so it’s best to “Slow the fugg down!

My grandfather told me years ago that the weather never caused an accident. Ever! I argued for 10 minutes before each attempt at refute was quickly shot down and I realized he was correct. Stupidity accounts for 90% of all vehicle accidents, the other 10% would be things like getting a blown tire or perhaps an animal being somewhere they aren’t supposed to be. Generally, most weather related accidents are due to some dumbass driving too fast. Plain and simple. So “Slow the fugg down!” and you will be all right.

Now there will be no excuse for anyone to get into an accident today, right? Please forward this on to anyone who has in fact ditched their car today; they need to hear this public service announcement to know what it is they did wrong.

Yours in driving safety,





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