Where do I start?

I could start on about the douche on his cell conducing what must have been exclusive business in the line at McDonalds this morning; I often see Donald Trump doing same at Arby’s. Maybe I could begin with talking about the decay of western society and how when panhandling it is best done when you can say “can you spare some change” faster then it takes for someone to walk buy; perhaps lay off the aqua velva.

That however is all negative and I’d like to keep it light and positive before bed. I have a new mission in life. I am currently trying to learn how to fart without holding my breath. In recent attempts to create the impression I had exhausted myself naturally, I had been caught red handed pushing which poked holes in my excuse that it had slipped. I have developed a tell. It seems as though it was evident I held my breath. I can’t very well blame the dog with a popped blood vessel in one eye and my face blue from lack of oxygen. I’m not sure how to tackle this feat which seems much like sneezing with your eyes open, without shitting my pants.

Wish me luck,



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