Hi, my name is Scott Simpson and I’m addicted to Starbucks; I’ve been clean for 69 days. Giggity!
It all started about 6 years ago when 11 Starbucks opened their doors surrounding my office like a group of wanna be street tuffs narrowing in on an innocent kid with a shiny iPod. Even though they would take my money, I would get a fair exchange of goods in return. You have to pay for quality right? Guys?
It must be good if they can pepper a street with stores I thought to myself as I followed a seedy dark gentleman in a green apron standing outside offering coupons and samples of Mint Hot Chocolate Mochaccino No-Whip Double Foam, as he gestured to follow. He painted a picture of happiness and serenity, purple skies and flowers that stayed in bloom year round. The promise of specialized desserts sugar coated his offering.
Little trouble could arise I thought to myself, as I reached for my Komodo Dragon. How could I know I would become a prisoner to the ferocious reptile. It was just as my teachers had told me; just one hit and you’re hooked. Soy Latte, Yukon Gold, Cappuccino with cinnamon and of course Komodo Dragon became my weakness.
I spent 6 years trying to feed my fix. The monkey on my back had acquired a taste for Starbucks coffees. No other bean would do; they tasted stale and like a cup of hot shit I had deemed mud water. Other coffees became weak tasting and drove me, (literally) to the nearest Starbucks even if it was anything but near. Eventually Starbucks Via was created, an instant coffee which meant that I could, and have filled my urge at malls, gas stations, cottages and camping. There was no end to where I would satisfy myself. (That’s what she said).
In time my body began rejecting caffeine and I backed it off … the caffeine that is. Having half decaf and half regular coffee allowed me to fuel the fire without making me feel sick and anxious. A normal person could opt to avoid coffee entirely, or caffeine in general but the high stakes game of Starbucks coffee provided me with a rush of the most dangerous extreme sport. Plus, I like the taste. Decaf lacked richness in flavor so I was left playing russian roulette with many barrista’s who couldn’t grasp what half-caff meant.
It wasn’t until a year ago this past April when I would try a new coffee on the suggestion of my good friend Bobby Boucher, that unbeknownst to me would one day break the shackles once formed by the evil Mermaid. At the time, this coffee was quite weak. It did have a nice flavor, it just lacked a suitable amount. I broke the “Starbucks Only” rule for medicinal purposes as I was acting as navigator on a long car trip from YYZ to YOW. I fell asleep seconds after my last sip confirming that the caffeine levels were lower then I was used to.
Slowly over time, attempts at reducing the caffeine intake of Starbucks began to fail and more frequently I began to feel quite ill. After being bitten more then once, I decided to turn to the lighter coffee I had tried once before. The battle between good and evil had begun. It began slowly with supplementing a sometimes needed second cup and would eventually turn into a full on replacement. The devils grip upon me had begun to loosen. With time, my tastebuds began to grow, as did my wallet.
Today a new low, or perhaps high had been reached. I decided to have a go at a Nabob 100% Columbian Tassimo coffee I had collecting dust and with a little 5% cream and it actually wasn’t that bad; I surprisingly enjoyed it. It seems evil has been defeated. My mind no longer urges for the Seattle brew. The coffee snob I had become has been pimp slapped. I am now a free man. Free to enjoy my morning McDonalds coffee. Yep… that’s right. I get my wakey wakey juice from McDonalds; we Ginger’s stick together after all. McDonalds changed their coffee a few years back from the swill they once served and it is quite good. Rumor has it, they get their beans from the same place Starbucks gets theirs… shat… does this mean I am still addicted?