Dyson Airblade

#fail #facepalm

If you haven’t already guessed, today I am going to review the Dyson Airblade. Or, as i like to call it the “Dyson Get Pooh Pee Booger and more on yourself Blade”. This terrible invention is toted as “The fastest, most hygienic hand dryer”. Let’s explore what this means exactly by picking apart the marketing tactics and use of wording used advertise said hand dryer.

What we are looking at here is the AirBlade in action. Notice how the hands are fed down into the dryer just as one would retrieve a funny bone from everyone’s favorite childhood board game, Operation?What you can’t see is all the fecaloids, boogers, pea residue, etc. from those who are not well versed in the art of washing their hands being transmitted from the AirBlade to your hands. If only a red light and buzzer would alarm you if you have come in contact with the dryer itself, you would then know you have failed and could go back and re-wash your hands.

The AirBlade apparently comes with an anti-microbial resistant lacquer, but I am not sure that this coating has the ability to destroy bio-matter. What this means is every microbe of human waste will not easily stick to the dryer, allowing it to be easily thrown towards you when the dryer is activated. Furthermore, what research was done into thinking that a 3 inch gap would suffice for the population of hands? I guess they calculated that those who are shakey, arthritic, large handed, weak handed,  little people, blind do not wash their hands and if they do they most certainly do not need to dry them.

I will admit that the AirBlade is fast. Other then being quick at transmitting germs and doodie to your mitts, it does dry your hands quite fast. What isn’t fast is the time it takes to position your hands inside the blade, as well as the time needed to brace yourself against the pressure of the blowing air in order to ensure you do not touch the blade itself. This device would be a great tool for those wishing to strengthen hand/eye coordination, wrist strength and concentration. This could be a wonderful tool if used as part of physiotherapy.

To conclude we can only hope that this new age euro garbage (pronounced gar-bajj) comes to a halt. A screeching halt. I am only aware of this new-age hippy dryer being used at the Rideau Centre in Ottawa and with a little common sense it will be the last. It certainly does beat the days gone by when we were provided with a pair of old man scraggily tighty whities on a roller in which to dry our hands; skidmarks included. Alas, this solution fails miserably. Thanks, but no thanks. I will still employ the “shake 3 times, and put hands in pocket” method to drying my hands.

Enjoy the weekend, I am cottage bound for the next few days where I will likely dry my hands with a paper towel or an actual towel. It really depends on the mood I am in.

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